THE OVERLAPPING TRANSITION [A FEW MORE IMPLICATIONS]
The overlapping transition Mark describes here in chapter teen begins as an illustration of the game Frogger and morphs into more of the reality we see today, where young teens are standing on the edge of the bank of a river like Frogger, yet fully in the water as well. He lacks an illustration for this overlapping transition space, yet affirms the ideology we have come to embrace, that leaders, coaches, volunteers and parents must be fully engaged in the young teen life, willing to “serve as grace-filled tour guides on the journey of early adolescence.” [p. 169]
Because we have come to the end of our study in this book, we need to imagine ourselves in the position of the grace-filled tour guides, mostly because that is who we are already, and what we are currently doing. Our kids are like Frogger, except they are between two logs, both feet firmly planted on opposing logs: one the log of childhood and the other the log of early adolescence of young teens. A young teen can only do the splits between the logs for so long. They will mature to a point to where they leave one log for the next.
As young teen leaders, coaches and parents, we don’t want to see our teens do this alone. We yearn to do life side-by-side our young teens, leaping from log to ever-stretching log, together. We are the grace-filled tour guides; absolutely. And we love it. We love young teens. We love ministry. We love God.
So as you think of all the ways you can journey alongside the young teens under your care and guidance, let me be the first (and hopefully not last) person to say thank you. Thank you for all your hard work, your diligence, your sincerity, your willingness to be open. You are highly valued and cherished. May you be blessed abundantly by the most most amazing God ever, as you leap from log to log, hand in hand, with the ones you love and serve. Thank you.
WHITE-HOT TEMPORARY [EARLY ADOLESCENT CULTURE]
“When we treat them as consumers, they play their part very well.” [p. 155]
A small quote such as the one above should give us all, those who minister to and alongside young teens, pause. We should take in that statement and really do some self-inspection: of ourselves, our ministries and the attitudes and behaviors of the students we lead. Her’s the rub- we can no longer sit back and say that the results of post-modernity is entirely on them. It is all on us. It is a cultural shift, one that we are all a part of.
Mark stated that it is time for us to own “our complicity in today’s culture”, and it is true. We have modeled and marketed a consumer mentality, outside and within the church. We have to own this. If we want spiritual development to be a process of maturation, and if we want to grow alongside of those we lead, then we need to understand that we are a part of the very same process and models we are helping create. We are complicit.
And that’s a good thing. We can own this. We should own it. We can set the tone, the standards, the path of development. We can own something good; something worthy for our students to follow. This can be a good thing. A really good thing. So why not create a stickiness to our discipleship process, one that is not “white-hot temporary”, but rather white-hot eternal? It can and should happen. It can be done.
What will it take to shift from the consumer mindset to the servant/active participant mindset?
OPERATING SYSTEM UPGRADE [SPIRITUAL DEVELOPMENT]
Leave it alone. Throw it out. Work it out. These are the three options young teens work through when it comes to the development of their faith in the space and time between concrete and abstract thinking. What happens in this transition time is critically important to who they are becoming as older teens and eventually, adults. Given enough time, space, and support, a young teen can work through faith issues that beat against them like the waves across the stern of a boat in the storm. However, when those who are influencing them decide that there is no need for wrestling with faith, the young teen most assuredly will rebel and break away. Imagine the difference you can make in a young teen’s life if you open yourself up to their doubts, and work through them alongside them. You can be that pivotal instrument in the transition time, perhaps for life. If you close them off, you might end up with this:
Faith is an abstract entity. While there are concrete principles found within scripture, faith is a journey; a process that varies from person to person. As a leader to students, one of the best things you can do is to journey through faith with them. Allow them to doubt. Allow them to challenge. Risk this with them. Your faith (in them and God) is their reward.
I CAN DO IT! JUST DON’T LEAVE ME. [INDEPENDENCE]
This is the ultimate tension of adolescence that is perfectly expressed in the age and space of young teens. They want and desire a deep sense of freedom, what parents may think of as a “hands-off” policy, yet what they truly need are clearly stated boundaries and expectations. And while they may think they know what they need, and while we as adults think we know what’s best as well, the true story of it all is that they long for boundaries. They really do. You see, boundaries communicate to the young teen that you care enough about them to set up an environment where they can flourish. It shows you care. Think about how this contextualizes for us here in student ministry.
“It is only with well-defined boundaries that middle schoolers are able to effectively exercise some sense of independence. A lack of boundaries creates confusion, fear, and danger.” [p. 117]
Try this on for size: get together with your student, your student small group, and your co-leaders or spouse, and clearly communicate expectations, boundaries, etc… Lay it out all on the table. The process of coming to a conclusion is as valuable as the end decision, and allowing your young teen to be a part of the decision-making process will prove itself invaluable to your shared future.
BEST FRIENDS FOREVER! [RELATIONAL CHANGE]
Hitting hard, this chapter explores the relational shift a young teen goes through upon and throughout adolescence. It is about the transition from choosing friendships based on proximity versus friendships based on affinity. This transition is normally paired with the transition from concrete to abstract thinking.
In chapter six, Mark talks about the young teen who is both trying to figure themselves out, and who they want to be around. This is where the affinity groups come in. Perhaps in childhood, a young teen played with a certain friend based on where they lived. Now as a full-fledged young teen, they play (or now, do life) with those they have common interests with. This draw towards an affinity group is multi-faceted though. He explains it through his explanation of life with his daughter Liesel, when she was going through this change. She would be one person to this group, another to a next; and a third to a family. However, during this transition period she was not being a completely separate person, but rather the same person just trying to figure things out on her own.
“She was trying them all on, like different wardrobes, in an attempt to discover more about herself.” [p. 104]
The question I have is this: do we judge our young teens based on who they are becoming, or who they are? It could be that our answer to that question determines how we minister to and with them.
Looking at how young teens develop friendships through the process of maturation, how boys develop via doing and girls via talking…