WALKING HORMONES
Chapter three brought us to one of the most tantamount sections of parenting and guidance we have come to thus yet: “Walking Hormones”. We all know that one kid who reeks of him or herself from lack of a quality shower, or the kid who walks around thinking they’re the stuff because their bodies are ahead of the curve. We know these things to be true. Yet do we talk about the changes young teens experience, and how these changes affect the ministry to a person or a group?
The changes our teens are experiencing are not to be taboo. In fact, the more we openly discuss these changes with sensitivity and an appreciation of who we are communicating with, the better adept we are to be a continual fountain of knowledge and guidance for young teens who don’t know what’s going on. The parent, youth worker or adult of influence who chooses not to discuss the physiological changes a pubescent young teen is going through is the person who loses touch with reality quite quickly. They will no longer hold the high place of esteem they may have once held, but instead be looked at as someone who is afraid to talk with “the new me” (the new changed me).
“The physical changes of early adolescence are truly massive and world changing. And they bring with them universal concern and fear. Every young teen feels abnormal at one point or another.” [p. 61]
IT’S ALL ABOUT CHANGE
This chapter, is really all about you. But it’s not; and it is. There is a mass idea out there that as parents, we don’t need to try and understand our young teens, because we already do. After all, we were there once and things haven’t changed all that much. The thing is, things have changed dramatically. The fabric of our culture today - within the young teen context and within general society - is so far removed from the normalcy of our day (if you want to call it that). The challenges young teens face today pose a greater risk factor, influences are more demanding and apparent, yet parents for the most part think they have this handled. While I certainly pray that they do, this is hardly ever the case. The most effective parents are the parents who actively engage on the level of their young teens; not the aloof parents who think by ignoring and praying, the teen years will go away.
“The most important thing you can do to increase your effectiveness, as a christian parent of a middle schooler, is to deepen your own connection to God.” [p. 29]
1. What steps are you taking, alone and/or with your spouse to improve your connection with God?
2. How are your young teens seeing you improve that connection?
“If you asked me (Go ahead and ask. Say it out loud: “Marko, if you were to describe the young teen experience in one word, what word would you choose?”) I’d respond calmly: “Change.” Change. That’s it, in a word. The life of a middle schooler is all about change.” [p. 31]
1. What changes are you noticing in the young teens entrusted to your care?
2. How are you walking their road with them, not against them?
CAN ANYTHING GOOD COME OF THIS AGE?
Last week we started looking into youth ministry guru Mark Oestreicher’s new gem of a book, Understanding Your Young Teen. Going through the book is something our entire youth worker staff and a few parents have decided to do together in order to better understand youth culture, how we can best relate to young teens, and how we can make the most positive difference for them in this critical junction in their life. If you are new to this post and series, feel free to jump in with your comments, and if you are reading the book as well, perhaps give some of your insight.
Chapter One: Can Anything Good Come of This Age?
“In fact, the lengthening of adolescence to a 15-years-plus journey has caused many to start talking about the the adolescent experience in three phases: Young teen, mid-teen, and older teen (or emerging adulthood). Add to this the “youthification” of preteens (often called “tweens” by the media these days), and it would be fair to say the adolescent journey is closer to 20 years long - a full fourth of life. Now that should reshape our thinking about parenting teenagers in general, and parenting young teens specifically.” [p. 22]
The expansion of adolescence on both ends, growing younger and older at the same time, has caused culture in general to change. It has specifically changed how we view young teens, in that in the past they were pre-pubescent, concrete sponges who depended solely on the wisdom and guidance of those who have gone before them. Today, young teens are starting puberty earlier, becoming abstract thinkers at an earlier age; they are more and more like their older teen counterparts.
Ministry implications are vast in this. While we still have a few true young teens, the majority of young teens is beginning to reflect older teen culture. Without diving into the reasons for that, we must look at what it means for us as youth workers: How can we best help young teens navigate these tumultuous years of transition?
For the next several weeks, our regular posts for leadership development in student ministry will focus on a new book by youth ministry guru Mark Oestreicher. As a youth worker team at Prescott Church Modesto, we will work through his book Understanding Your Young Teen, taking one chapter per week (or longer), pulling out a few golden nuggets and have ongoing discussion as to how we can interpret and apply what we are reading to our specific context. If you would like to join the conversation, join us here on each week’s post or go the facebook route.
Understanding Your Young Teen - Introduction
“These days, as a church worker, I often see high school ministry as being “corrective” in nature, while middle school ministry is now the make-or-break space (or “preventative” in nature).” [p. 10] In the fifteen or so years that I have been in student ministry, I have seen this shift. When I first started in the field, all the stats were out there that said if you can’t reach a teen by the time they are done with high school, they’re pretty much toast. While I don’t agree with that assessment or the stats as they have been written, I understand the implications as to what they mean. A lot of this has to do with the formative years of being a teen, specifically the young teen in junior high. Let us posit: If a junior high student has a positive church experience during their most formative years, then they are better set up for a positive experience during their high school years and beyond. That’s true. The opposite is also true. Take that same junior high kid and throw in a horrible church experience and they will never breach the doors of a church building or want to live life with other Christians. Here are some questions to wrestle with off that statement:
“This book is unique in its purpose and scope. I think. My working assumption, my foundational theory, is this: If you understand why your young teen thinks, acts, and feels the way he or she does, you’ll be in a significantly better place from which to engage with your child.” [p. 13] Perhaps this is our hope as a team here at Prescott, that we would be empowered by the knowledge we obtain, transforming alongside our young teens. The more knowledge we have, the more we experience what we know to be true, and especially the more we open ourselves up to the young teen world, the more we will batter adept to handle any and all things thrown our way. Think about it:
The team that learns together, grows together.
What are you doing as the lead dog that is fostering growth and development in your adult staff? As leaders, we tend to spend the majority of our time concerned about how our students are maturing along in the process of discipleship, yet the key to their maturation depends on the maturation of the adults that lead them, week in and week out.
What if you decided to approach this the same way you would approach a student ministry small group, model the same principles those group adhere to and exist as an adult small group, in the vein of a community of practice? You allow time for instruction and time for response; time for listening and time for doing? This can be what your team needs to take it to the next level.
I spend a lot of time being the best pastor and leader I can for those that are entrusted to me. Why not do the same for those that I position to lead those very same students?
That is why our adult staff will be working through Mark Oestreicher’s Understanding Your Young Teen: Practical Wisdom for Parents. It’s not that this book is a magic bullet, but it’s a great book with quality insight. Mark is a ministry stud and that’s the kind of person you want to learn from.
The challenge for you will be this: what can you do to learn as a team, in order to grow as a team?
Want a sample of the book we’re using? Check it out HERE.